i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
