Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
