How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Randomize
