clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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