is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Randomize
