I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Randomize
