if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Do vagina's smell?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
