You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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