John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize