thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
