I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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