What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
