How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
oh god was she eating orange peels again
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
