i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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