When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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