porn star boner night. come get it.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
