I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Randomize
