Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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