Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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