If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
