btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
