I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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