im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
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