you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Randomize
