Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
