Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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