Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
