Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Who died my cat blue again?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
