Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Randomize
