You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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