i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
