Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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