I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
