we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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