Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
