But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
