Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
