I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
