why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
