Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
