I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
