I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
