I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
My penis needs a shock collar
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
