dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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