i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
