Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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