I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
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