If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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