yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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