Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
