glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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