If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
