When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize