So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
