im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
