part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
