that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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